Help

Okay, so I need help.. or something. Lately I've found myself lost. I'm so stressed, I don't know what to do. Like I'd like to talk to someone, but I dont think anyone understands what I'm going through. Well, lets break it down here... First I feel guilty about my sister's car, even though it wasn't my fault. That test I missed is dragging on my mind also, like i can't help but feel like i'm now behind in that damn class and there is no way for me to catch up. I want to talk to my boyfriend about all this stuff, but I really don't feel like he's all there when I'm talking to him, or like he really cares about what I'm saying. But I'm serious, I need help. Handling all this insurance company and car repair stuff by myself is more than I thought it would be, but I feel that its my responsibility because it was my accident. Then with the thought of car repairs looming over my head and my mom being the only income my family has at this point, I begin to think more about money. I want to get a job, but every time I bring it up, my mother so graciously puts how she just wants me to focus on school, because if my grades slip and I lose my scholarship, then she won't be able to afford to send me to college (no pressure). Then there is my dad talking about how I need to ask the claims adjuster that's coming tomorrow about a rental car and how I should get a second opinion about the car repairs and how we might end upn paying for alot of the repairs or something. See how quickly the pressure mounts? Then I still have my calculus class to worry about because I'm horrible at math and this class just might kill me; my religious studies class that requires a lot more effort than I originally thought it would with all the papers that have to be written; then there is the physics class where since i've already missed one tests, I no longer have the option of dropping my lowest grades meaning that I cant screw up from now on. This is a lot for me to deal with and I dunno how much more I can take. I presented my friend Bert with all this shit and told him how I just wanted to drink friday night, ya kno, to just relax and try and forget for a little while. Well, he thought it was a pretty good idea but when I presented my drinking idea to the boyfriend, he was just like "eh... i don't really feel like it.." so damnit. I mean, sure he smokes weed to help him "relax" after a hard day which seems to be everyday now. *sigh*. I need help, some kinda of help. I decided to write all this out because I thought that it might help me, but i don't really think it has. I walked out of my physics class wednesday because I saw that the teacher was giving back the tests, ya kno, the one i missed, and i just had to get up and walk out. I was on the verge of tears and I couldnt even bear to see the tests on his desk in the front of the auditorium. I feel like there is so much on me right now. Lately, I haven't been sleeping well. Monday night I loaded up with tylenol pm to sleep, I spent most of Tuesday in bed, wednesday i went to an awesome concert and began to feel better but sleeping was still difficult and i couldnt find the tylenol pm this time but i took about 3-4 advil so i figured that'd be enough. The next morning, thursday morning, it all came back. As soon as I got up my mom asked me about how my calc test went, something i'd forgotten about, then when the car people called me, thats when my dad decided to throw in his two cents, pushed me a little more, then in hopes of escaping the stress and worry, I went to the boyfriend's apartment, yea, no comfort really there. It's gotten to the point of where I'm so stressed, my alergies are starting to act up... and I don't have allergies usually. So i'm pretty much to thepoint where I can't sleep, can't breathe right, I get these aweful headaches that won't go away for hours, and I can't remember things that I should. Sure it may be small things like I'm driving and forget where I'm going, or I'm in class and can't remember how to count to 4, but those little things are important. This stress is getting to me. This stress is getting to me. This stress is getting to me. When is it gonna stop!? Perhaps I need to get away for a while. Go somewhere fun and far away. Chicago? New York? I don't know. But something has got to give... and believe me, something will....

Damnit

So today I can officially say was a not so great day. I went to class today thinking everything would be cool. I had my calc class then a two hour break before my physics test that I was totally ready for. Well, as soon as I get to campus, things begin to go wrong. First I realize that I don't have my Student ID that I need in order to take my exam and I don't have enough time to go back home before my calc class begins. But thats ok, I get to calc early, do some physics to study up, then begin class. After calc, I figure I have 2 hours to spare, why not go home, get some food, and get my ID. So I go home, get my ID, get some food, and talk with my parents a little while. It begins to shower so I decided to leave so that I can get to campus before it starts to pour and still have a little extra study time. Well, as I'm on my way back to campus, I stop behind a bus at some railroad tracks, and BAM! A 1987 Chevy Pickup truck hits my sister's little neon from behind which I happen to be driving. SUMMBITCH. Everyone was really nice and helpful.. everyone meaning the guy who hit me, my parents (first call i made) and the police officer. Well, this was my first accident. I wasnt hurt, so I didnt think an ambulance was necessary. I was fine, however, the poor little neon was not. The back window is gone and the passenger taillight is fucked. There was major body damage but I was able to drive it home and I dont think there was any like frame damage or anything. I was really lucky, i wasnt hurt and the truck that hit me was trying to miss me, so he only got my right tail end which did a lot of damage. Thank God he didnt hit me straight on. I dunno how I woulda faired.. Small miracles I guess. But moving on, I picked up my sister and her friend from the airport then took her friend home. On the way to her house, a friend of my boyfirend called me to see how I was and I told him and then told him I was driving and didn't want to talk and drive at the same time at the moment, which was cool. Yea well, appearantly my boyfriend seemed a little upset that I talked to his friend first before I talked to him. But I mean, its not my fault that his friend called me and asked me when I told him (the boyfriend) that i'd call him with the details later.. ugh.. Sometimes, damnit. ugh... now my shoulders hurt and i'm not sure if its from the accident or the typing.. .who knows? bleh... At least the officer and other guy were nice. Like I said, small Miracles.